Pondering Porsche(s): Getting Your Porsche Keyed . . .

The devil is in the details, as some occasionally say.

The devil was in the keys, as was the case today.

Recently, good friends of mine bought a lovely, one-owner Cayman with shockingly low mileage on it, from someone who evidently didn't have a real desire to actually drive the car. Peculiar, but good for my friends, because the price was identical to that asked for comparable age Caymans on the market that had almost 8 times the miles on them.

They enjoy driving the car, which they found to be flawless, as one might expect. However, one day I received a phone call during which I was told that there was a dilemma, or maybe a harder word to that effect, and would I participate in pursuing a solution to it. It was this: My friends intended to take a trans-continental drive with the Cayman, and after reaching a base of operation they intended to do a grand tour of the 'wilder' western US states before driving the car back home to Vermont. The problem was that one of the ignition keys to the car had become lost, and they didn't want to do such a long trip with no back-up key on hand. Recent Porsche keys can't be replaced very easily in rural Wyoming.

In its wisdom, Porsche Cars North America closed its only Porsche dealership in Vermont in recent time, because it didn't sell the volume of cars that PCNA demanded. So, my friend asked if I'd accompany him to Montreal, which has three Porsche dealerships that are all doing fine. The story wasn't as simple as this, but he needed to go to a dealer, because electronic Porsche keys obviously cannot be made at some random, corner hardware store. I was happy to go along, because my previous hands-on Cayman time was not extensive and I wanted to get a more complete sense of the car - plus it's nice to enjoy a friend's company in a cool ride.

They all look the same.

He selected the dealership that could be found with the least entanglement in Montreal traffic, because Montreal is undergoing massive infrastructure renewal right now, and the traffic is hideous - bridges, roads, interchanges, buildings, you name it. Anyway, he called the chosen dealer and was told that his key problem could be taken care of immediately and on the spot. Before the decision was made to go to Montreal, one dealer in the USA said that the key would have to be ordered from Germany. Another told him there was no problem and that it would only take a month! Another vendor wanted an enormous price, etc. We drove to the big city in Quebec and only got lost on detours twice.

To be honest, I had never actually been in a genuine, modern Porsche dealership before. Sure, people I know bought new cars there, and had their 911s and all serviced at dealerships, but my interests have been elsewhere, because the Porsche dealerships these days have forgotten how to service air-cooled cars . . .

I thought I was on a movie set. If you like black, white, glass, thousands of lights, and shiny cars, you would be in heaven in this place.

All of those glass-walled offices, upper and lower, were empty.

The whole place is a Porsche-centric boutique. Even coffee beans are on display.

Wait here, as fast as you can.

Okay, the issue was a new key. The smiling parts and accessories guy, in a white shirt and black tie, asked to see the key to be duplicated - after my friend had produced copious documentation proving that he was the legitimate owner. A key blank appeared, and the man took both keys into another room to cut the exact copy. Of course, the cut key was hollow; did my friend want a transmitter in it? A model-specific transmitter was installed, but now that transmitter needed to be programmed for this exact car. "Kindly take your key to the Service Department to get the programming done, sir. That will be $465 for the key, please. Programming will be done at an additional charge, and it will take about 90 minutes."

Now, in Service, the question arose, "Yes, we will be happy to program your key, when is your appointment?" "Appointment?" my friend said, "I was told that I would have my key immediately if I simply came here." "You do have your key in your hand, sir, but programming it takes substantial computer time and it requires an appointment. We have a time slot available at the end of next week. Would that be convenient?" No, it would not.

Service bays photo shot through a reflective glass wall, of course. Is it always that quiet?

My friend and I had driven for hours to get here - with my friend coming from another country, no less - and it would be hours to get back home. As well, my friends were to leave for their trip in a couple of days. Kindly note in the adjacent photo exactly how busy the Service Department was. I heard an engine running in the background briefly, but I didn't see any actual human beings running around. No wonder you needed an appointment, they apparently have to bring in someone to program this key, but perhaps he couldn't get there until late next week. Argh. As a Porsche customer you could get a free cappuccino from the barista in this dealer's 'Café Carrera', but not a key, today. We hit the road and did some thinking.

Here was the solution: The former Porsche dealership in Vermont is still in business selling a variety of, mostly, high-end European cars. And, they still have their Porsche key programming computer! So, for my friend, this meant another trip to get his key operational, and he immediately hit the road, again. The key was programmed, on the spot, thank you very much.

It didn't work.

Observe that the right, crested key is 1.5875 mm shorter.

The smiling guy in the white shirt and tie at the Porsche dealer in Montreal had provided an incorrect key blank. It was 1.5875 mm too short. This key was to be used for the trunk and such only, not the ignition! Argh, again. Who's fault was this? The little guy with the tie (they all had ties). Pointed phone calls were made to the Montreal dealer, and a correct key blank was sent by overnight courier. That meant that my friend had to drive back home again, and then make yet another trip to get the key the next day. Finally, my friends left for the Wild West.

Porsche's are special.